Monster Momma

I believe a parent or a mother wants the best for their kids. As much as possible we want them to enjoy and give them what makes them happy. Being a mother is one great task more than your career in a corporate world. Even if you hold the highest rank in a big company, being a mom is undeniably the most challenging, fulfilling and rewarding job anyone can hold. One of the toughest job about being a parent or a mother in my case, is that you have to mold a respectful and obedient citizen of this world. It is not as easy as A-B-C or 1-2-3. When you become a parent, you will instantly know how it feels to become one. Just recently, I seem to have short-lived patience and easily lose my temper with my almost 3 year old daughter. Am I getting old to have this kind of losing self-control? It's been a stressing scenario everytime we exchange conversation which requires me to raise my voice and the little girl in return. This is due to dealing with a disobedient child. She seem to always do the other way in spite of being told how many times not to. Most of the parenting tips that I read online is to talk to the child calmly and privately and have an eye to eye level when doing so. Even if as young as 2 or 3 years old, they may not fully comprehend yet what you are saying, but talking to them in a calm and lowered voice and away from the public's eyes may let them feel that they are dealt with properly. So far I've practiced it with my child but most of the times, it fails me. It ends up to spanking, pointing fingers and scary face just to let her know she's doing the wrong way. Of course, the physical thing is not brutally done but is enough to feel a little pain. I feel a failure as a mom and a guilty and frustrated person which I don't like at all. Most of the times I feel that I've becoming like a monstrous and terrifying person to them. It hurts me everytime the little girl cries because of reprimanding her for doing the bad things. Disciplining a child is not as easy as doing the most grueling tasks at work. At least work responsibilities would only take a couple of days or weeks and you're free. Teaching your child demands more time, patience and attention until they are ready to face the world of their own. So it takes about years of roller coaster rides. I'm a bit worried that this attitude she's showing might be a reflection of how we treat her. We give her her wants and needs but not to the extent of spoiling her which we don't want to do. Her insisting attitude prompts us to be a little too uptight on her. Of course we don't want to tolerate such deeds.

Once and just recently, a long time officer in the company I'm working with who also just resigned, visited our office and asked me how am I being a new mom of 2. I shrugged and grinned saying "nagkagidlay" (It's a Filipino-Visayan term meaning worn-out or torn). He laughed out too and agreed with me. So I realized all parents understood and agree to each others sentiments about raising children. Being worn-out and stressed is basically normal for parents with toddlers. So it's up to you how you would cope and handle when caught in this kind of situation.

I don't want to look cringe-y for them. I want them to know this is for their own good and ours too. I know in time, as she will grow a little bit more, she'll understand us and I won't wear anymore a monster face. I know in time, I won't have a hard time dealing with them for they would understand what we are trying to imply. I know the time will come there would be no shouting and crying heads echoing in our house. I know in time, the monster in me will come to vanish. And God knows how I wish that that monster will come to end soon.