If only Husbands find Time to Understand their Wives...

WORTH SHARING! I came across these article in my FB news feed today. As I read along till the end, I feel like I'm speaking to my husband. This is exactly what I wanted to tell him that I think I didn't gave the right message across. Read with open heart and mind. 

A must read for husbands. Take time to read this long story. It is only by this you will understand your wives and that questions you have in your mind that is still questionable. All your answers are here.

------------------------

Beautiful advice from a divorced man after 16 years of marriage.

My advice after a divorce following 16 years of marriage, by Gerald Rogers.

Obviously, I’m not a relationship expert. But there’s something about my divorce being finalized this week that gives me perspective of things I wish I would have done different… After losing a woman that I loved, and a marriage of almost 16 years, here’s the advice I wish I would have had

1. Never stop courting. Never stop dating. NEVER EVER take that woman for granted. When you asked her to marry you, you promised to be that man that would OWN HER HEART and to fiercely protect it. This is the most important and sacred treasure you will ever be entrusted with. SHE CHOSE YOU. Never forget that, and NEVER GET LAZY in your love.

2. Protect your own heart. Just as you committed to being the protector of her heart, you must guard your own with the same vigilance. Love yourself fully, love the world openly, but there is a special place in your heart where no one must enter except for your wife. Keep that space always ready to receive her and invite her in, and refuse to let anyone or anything else enter there.

3. Fall in love over and over again. You will constantly change. You’re not the same people you were when you got married, and in five years you will not be the same person you are today. Change will come, and in that you have to re-choose each other everyday. SHE DOESN’T HAVE TO STAY WITH YOU, and if you don’t take care of her heart, she may give that heart to someone else or seal you out completely, and you may never be able to get it back. Always fight to win her love just as you did when you were courting her.

4. Always see the best in her. Focus only on what you love. What you focus on will expand. If you focus on what bugs you, all you will see is reasons to be bugged. If you focus on what you love, you can’t help but be consumed by love. Focus to the point where you can no longer see anything but love, and you know without a doubt that you are the luckiest man on earth to be have this woman as your wife.

5. It’s not your job to change or fix her… your job is to love her as she is with no expectation of her ever changing. And if she changes, love what she becomes, whether it’s what you wanted or not.

6. Take full accountability for your own emotions: It’s not your wife’s job to make you happy, and she CAN’T make you sad. You are responsible for finding your own happiness, and through that your joy will spill over into your relationship and your love.

❝ Listen to Pinoy Rap Radio
www.pinoyrapradio.com ❞

7. Never blame your wife if you get frustrated or angry at her, it is only because it is triggering something inside of YOU. They are YOUR emotions, and your responsibility. When you feel those feelings take time to get present and to look within and understand what it is inside of YOU that is asking to be healed. You were attracted to this woman because she was the person best suited to trigger all of your childhood wounds in the most painful way so that you could heal them… when you heal yourself, you will no longer be triggered by her, and you will wonder why you ever were.

8. Allow your woman to just be. When she’s sad or upset, it’s not your job to fix it, it’s your job to HOLD HER and let her know it’s ok. Let her know that you hear her, and that she’s important and that you are that pillar on which she can always lean. The feminine spirit is about change and emotion and like a storm her emotions will roll in and out, and as you remain strong and unjudging she will trust you and open her soul to you… DON’T RUN-AWAY WHEN SHE’S UPSET. Stand present and strong and let her know you aren’t going anywhere. Listen to what she is really saying behind the words and emotion.

9. Be silly… don’t take yourself so damn seriously. Laugh. And make her laugh. Laughter makes everything else easier.

10. Fill her soul everyday… learn her love languages and the specific ways that she feels important and validated and CHERISHED. Ask her to create a list of 10 THINGS that make her feel loved and memorize those things and make it a priority everyday to make her feel like a queen.

11. Be present. Give her not only your time, but your focus, your attention and your soul. Do whatever it takes to clear your head so that when you are with her you are fully WITH HER. Treat her as you would your most valuable client. She is.

12. Be willing to take her sexually, to carry her away in the power of your masculine presence, to consume her and devour her with your strength, and to penetrate her to the deepest levels of her soul. Let her melt into her feminine softness as she knows she can trust you fully.

13. Don’t be an idiot…. And don’t be afraid of being one either. You will make mistakes and so will she. Try not to make too big of mistakes, and learn from the ones you do make. You’re not supposed to be perfect, just try to not be too stupid.

14. Give her space… The woman is so good at giving and giving, and sometimes she will need to be reminded to take time to nurture herself. Sometimes she will need to fly from your branches to go and find what feeds her soul, and if you give her that space she will come back with new songs to sing…. (okay, getting a little too poetic here, but you get the point. Tell her to take time for herself, ESPECIALLY after you have kids. She needs that space to renew and get re-centered, and to find herself after she gets lost in serving you, the kids and the world.)

15. Be vulnerable… you don’t have to have it all together. Be willing to share your fears and feelings, and quick to acknowledge your mistakes.

16. Be fully transparent. If you want to have trust you must be willing to share EVERYTHING… Especially those things you don’t want to share. It takes courage to fully love, to fully open your heart and let her in when you don’t know i she will like what she finds… Part of that courage is allowing her to love you completely, your darkness as well as your light. DROP THE MASK… If you feel like you need to wear a mask around her, and show up perfect all the time, you will never experience the full dimension of what love can be.

17. Never stop growing together… The stagnant pond breeds malaria, the flowing stream is always fresh and cool. Atrophy is the natural process when you stop working a muscle, just as it is if you stop working on your relationship. Find common goals, dreams and visions to work towards.

18. Don’t worry about money. Money is a game, find ways to work together as a team to win it. It never helps when teammates fight. Figure out ways to leverage both persons strength to win.

19. Forgive immediately and focus on the future rather than carrying weight from the past. Don’t let your history hold you hostage. Holding onto past mistakes that either you or she makes, is like a heavy anchor to your marriage and will hold you back. FORGIVENESS IS FREEDOM. Cut the anchor loose and always choose love.

20. Always choose love. ALWAYS CHOOSE LOVE. In the end, this is the only advice you need. If this is the guiding principle through which all your choices is governed, there is nothing that will threaten the happiness of your marriage. Love will always endure.

❝ Listen to PinoyRapRadio
www.pinoyrapradio.com ❞

In the end marriage isn’t about happily ever after. It’s about work. And a commitment to grow together and a willingness to continually invest in creating something that can endure eternity. Through that work, the happiness will come. Marriage is life, and it will bring ups and downs. Embracing all of the cycles and learning to learn from and love each experience will bring the strength and perspective to keep building, one brick at a time.

These are lessons I learned the hard way. These are lessons I learned too late. But these are lessons I am learning and committed in carrying forward. Truth is, I loved being married, and in time, I will get married again, and when I do, I will build it with a foundation that will endure any storm and any amount of time.

If you are reading this and find wisdom in my pain, share it those those young husbands whose hearts are still full of hope, and with those couples you may know who may have forgotten how to love. One of those men may be like I was, and in these hard earned lessons perhaps something will awaken in him and he will learn to be the man his lady has been waiting for.

MEN- THIS IS YOUR CHARGE: Commit to being an EPIC LOVER. There is no greater challenge, and no greater prize. Your woman deserves that from. Be the type of husband your wife can’t help but brag about.

Source credit here

February is Love and Giving

How fast time flies the second time. I can't stop saying this because it's indeed true like a roller coaster thing. Now it's the Love month and just yesterday we celebrated the Chinese New Year where we welcome the year of the wood horse. Everything just happens in a fast forward pace but still the season of giving is not yet over. We all know that February is the month of Valentine's day wherein we Filipinos celebrate it for the sake of love which really means a lot for us. And I think because we really are loving people, the gesture of celebrating it comes naturally within us. Like the Christmas season, a lot of establishments mostly malls and restaurants decorate its place with hearts and playing love songs in their sound systems. Isn't it heartwarming? Because Love signifies giving, we also think of gifts to give our love ones. Thus, we see vendors selling flowers and stuff to give to the love of our lives which I find really cute and mushy in an endearing way... ;-)

This month excites me because of 3 things. Well first, it's Valentine's day. Me and my hubby makes it a point to have a fancy dinner. It's just a once in a year occasion where we make a deal to dress elegantly and dine NOT just in any budget friendly restaurant. We look for a fine-dining restaurant where we haven't eaten in there yet. Now we changed plans. We planned to have a stay-cation in a hotel just within the city. It's the in thing now and we vow not to bring the kids with us. Just me and him alone. We want to hang around and be in each others arms without the kids getting our undivided attention from each other. It's kind of mushy though but in reality, married couples need this and I believe in that too. My hubby is not very vocal but he really frequently verbalizes it that I don't have time for him anymore. I know he understands because there are 2 kids that needs my utmost attention. But being a wife I should give him what is due for him. True girls? It's the time that we can spend quality time with each other and just recharge and renew away from our everyday routine.

The second thing that looks me forward to this month is our Valentine's day giveaways here in our office. Years back, the owner of the company where I'm working now, who is also my boss, gives chocolates and Valentine's tokens to single ladies. But now, every girl, single or married, gets one. What excites me is I am in charge of planning what to give for every single lady in the office. This part makes it exciting for me since I'll be getting one of it, I search for the best stuff. Months ahead, as early as Christmas season, I'm already dreading on thinking for possible giveaways. Challenging yet fun huh! Everything is all worth it especially if you see the ladies giggling as they receive their presents. Flowers and chocolates are girl's BFF same with diamonds too. Agree!?

To give you a picture of what I received in 2012, see photo below. I got this from Papelmelroti. See their link here. They have great stuff perfect for any occasion giveaways.

Paperweight

For this item, we just customized it. We bought wooden clips and glued it at the back of the "Guardian Angel on duty" sign. This serves as a double purpose now. A memo holder cum paperweight. Below, we added the caption "Happy Heart's Day!" to fit the occasion. This is a good way to hone and play one's creativity that's why I enjoy doing this annually. Last year our giveaways were envirosax bags which we got from Daiso and assorted brownies from the Fudge Factory. With the help of my ever crafty and visually gifted officemate, the giveaways makes it more alive, presentable and meaningful. Check out her blog here.

The last reason of my love for this month is my daughter's birth month. I never knew the genuine meaning of love until the birth of my first child. All the more I appreciate the meaning of giving, unconditional love, sacrifice and looking at my kid's needs first than mine are all worth it because my great joy are their happiness and comfort.

How about you? What are your thoughts on #Valentinesday? #love #family #chocolatesandflowers

A Weekend: Not Your Usual Day

My weekends is mostly is spent in home. Call me a bore but I choose to be like that for the following reasons: (1) to rest from a 5-day work week, (2) to spend quality time with my kids, (3) to find something in the house that needs to be cleaned, cleared, organized and improved, and (4) to avoid unnecessary spending being the woman that I am. (Backgrounder: I've already declared myself a domestic diva ever since high school days. Maybe I was used to being a stay-at-home-person being a super obedient child. My daily routine would be that of school and home. That's it. I'm also a late bloomer being not too exposed to the real world. It's not that we were not allowed to stroll around the city but I choose not to. I love staying at home. Being outside means setting a different environment for a change.)

Anyway, back to the real stuff. As I was saying, last weekend was mostly spent outside the abode. The activities I had were the unusual kind. First, I met a relative which I only knew then. It was a happy feeling and reunion knowing you can't have it in an ordinary day. She's related to the grieving family which happens to be the funeral rites of her MIL. It was a grieving moment yet a happy reunion of sorts. Second, we proceeded to the farm of hubby's family. It was a refreshing afternoon despite the heat we experienced during the burial. What I love being in the farm is the freshness and relaxing atmosphere you can hardly experience in a city life. The breeze of the air is so natural and cool. My FIL said, during the night it is like you have a free airconditioner that you won't have to worry of the electric bill. Every time I am there, fruits are abundantly sourced such as these:

Fruit bearing trees such as Banana and Cacao.

Notice this shot? I wasn't able to capture the whole tree because of how big and tall the tree is.
It's an old Durian tree that ages I don't know when. But it really is an old tree.

This is the family's old hut. I'm shooting from the present house they are presently using. 

By Sunday, we went to my family's side. It is the 36th wedding anniversary of my parents and the birthday of Mama Mary (for the Catholics). It is indeed a fun-filled and blessed weekend celebrating life and not an ordinary day in a lifetime you can experience it in one great weekend. It is indeed blessings like these that we celebrate the bounty and beauty of life brings. 

Love, Love, Love!!!

A four letter word which means everything: LOVE. This connotes happiness and everything positive in between. When you hear it,  it's like angels are singing melodiously around you and it's quite infectious because you're singing by yourself too. As my morning ritual in the office, I go and check Ms. Jane's blog, Sugar, Spice and Everything Nice. Again, she didn't disappoint. Well, she's always consistent of bringing her readers and supporters to a whole new level of entertainment that I couldn't afford to miss. She talked about The 5 Love Languages, a book she read. This interest me because there's an online quiz link (here's the link to her post) that she provided so that we, her readers, could actually experience and see for ourselves what our primary love language are. Below is the result of the quiz that I got. And here is the detailed explanation of my primary love language. 

As you could see my highest love language is Acts of Service: 

Acts of Service

Can vacuuming the floors really be an expression of love? Absolutely! Anything you do to ease the burden of responsibilities weighing on an “Acts of Service” person will speak volumes. The words he or she most want to hear: “Let me do that for you.” Laziness, broken commitments, and making more work for them tell speakers of this language their feelings don’t matter. Finding ways to serve speaks volumes to the recipient of these acts.

Well, of course, for me feelings also matters a lot. But it's not about feelings or romance alone, but being able to address my needs like simple task at the house means a lot too. Gone were the days that women are assigned to do the house chores and the men are solely for work purposes. Today we live in the generation where men and women are equal.

The second to the last rank and the last of my language of love is the Physical Touch and Receiving gifts. It doesn't mean that I don't need to be touched or anything for that matter. It's actually I am given by my husband a lot of that everyday. I am way too satisfied of how he gives me that. That is sweet of him since knowing him, he is not the "showy" or "touchy"type of person. Well as for the receiving gift, I don't expect him to give me gifts out of nothing. I've learned to deal with that and I realized that there are more important factors to consider than receiving gifts. Of course, I'll be happy if he give me things out of his desire to give. That is so sweet of him to be thoughtful and generous.

Overall, this type of quiz helps us realize what we lack to give our partners and the one to be addressed. It is by this quiz that we ought to put the missing piece in our puzzle of love and to be able to keep the love alive as a couple and to satisfy each others needs.

Food for One's Soul: Michi's Home Sweet Home's "Burned Biscuits"

When I read about Michi's article, I remembered yesterday cooking for our lunch "fish egg". I don't know if that is called for "bagaybay". My husband asked me to saute it with garlic, onion and put soy sauce a little to add juice to the bagaybay. He told me not to add anymore water because the bagaybay itself produces water already as cooking progresses. Because of my being experimental that most of the time, it ends up not successful, I sort of put more soy sauce on it and I find it a bit salty for my taste. I panicked a bit because I want it to be good tasting for my husband. Thinking of what to do, I added oyster sauce and a little of sugar. That I tasted the sugar and knowing him, he doesn't like putting sugar on a dish. I panicked more. But for heaven's mercy, I asked my husband if the taste is good. He told me yes. Well, I thought of myself, "How come?" Actually it's just okay for my taste especially if you eat it with rice, the saltiness doesn't empower anymore. Well, I shared this because of the story below. Read on...

Michi's Home Sweet Home: Burned Biscuits: A good reading and lesson we all should learn. Photo Source When I was a kid, my Mom liked to make breakfast food for dinner every...

Michi's Home Sweet Home: Because your Wife Does Not Work…

This is worth-sharing and deserves to be featured. Everyone should be aware of this especially the men. I salute women, not because I belong in this circle, but because indeed we are dedicated and loving human beings who beyond the meekness and weakness other people sees in the outside are the more strong and steadfast who holds and protects the family as ONE. Read on...

Michi's Home Sweet Home: Because your Wife Does Not Work…: Nice story to share from FB. Photo Source The following are Questions and Answers between Husband (H) and A Psychologist: P : ...

Happy Wifie

Thank goodness! I saw the 3rd flick of Miggy & Laida love story. If you're still clueless, ewan ko na lang kung sa'ng lupalop ng Pilipinas ka nakatira. Even though there are some scenes that's kind of cheesy and hard to incorporate in reality, still it has some valuable lessons I would like to bear in mind and apply it to my daily life. Above it all, it taught me and made me realize that I have lots of things that I didn't let my husband experience as a hands-on wife. Because I am so absorbed on my mommy duties, normally wives tend to take the wife-y role a backseat. I am very guilty on this. Just this morning, since I was so inspired on that movie, "It Takes A Man and A Woman," I had to make a step to serve my husband and do the wife-y duty. Actually, my husband just want me to prepare a good tasting food that comes with a cup of coffee in the early morning. That's around 5am. He wants me to accompany him. But everyday I'm so caught up with the 2 kids waking up at the same time as I am suppose to prepare that to my hubby. My eldest don't want me to go out of bed yet and she wants us to have cuddling moment. But just this morning, I had the time to prepare a healthy sandwich meal to my husband even if both of my kids are awake already. What I did was turn on the video of the Mickey Mouse Clubhouse and that glued their attention on the TV and not to me (yehey!). Immediately, I prepared the food which consists of a wheat bread, ham, cheese, tomatoes, lettuce topped with ketchup and mayo. That's it! A few minutes later, hubby arrived from jogging and gobbled up 2 sandwiches which he told me if I do this everyday to him, he'll be a happy hubby! That makes me a happy wife-y today!

Challenging years

Hello fellow bloggers! This has been the longest time I haven't been seen with something new to share. Now I am back together with welcoming the New Year. I am grateful for the year 2012 since it brought new inspiration to look forward to for this coming year. And with that, it is with gratitude that today marks our 3rd year as husband and wife and 10 years in all of being together. Hubby and I have gone a lot especially in the later years. This later years really tested our bond as a couple and as an individual. I could say that marriage is also a way to sharpen one's personality for it carries out all your emotions invested throughout your life. It is not that easy though because your partner has a different personality as yours. Being married to an extremely opposite personality as mine is such a challenging, worthwhile and exciting married life I have now. I thank God for being able to conquer our  family, our home and most especially our marriage despite all odds. Thank you langga for the wonderful experience you have imparted me and to our marriage may it be good or bad. I love you for everything that you are.

My two cents worth

I never tried giving movie reviews since I am not the type of a moviegoer and an expert in film reviews. However, as a viewer, I have my own set of opinion which I think is worth sharing and that depends on my readers on what they think is my opinion according also to their own experience. Anyhow, we have our own thoughts about something that we have also to consider. I am talking about the much talk about movie "The Mistress" against "No Other Woman". I'd like to believe that with these two films, both are very relevant in the world we are in. It is not fictitious but should be dealt with an open mind and heart. Each and every one of us has a different story to tell, a different circumstances in life that it would be unfair to judge. "Thou shall not commit adultery" and "Thou shall not commit thy neighbor's wife". It's as simple as that but hard to do when trapped in a triangle. In the movie, "No Other Woman", Ann Curtis is the selfish, immature, bratty and liberated "other" woman of a married man played by Derek Ramsey. She'd get what she wants to the extent of not minding she's hurting other people especially the wife, Cristine Reyes. While Bea Alonzo, as the mistress in the movie "The Mistress", she's the selfless, responsible, prim and proper lady that's hard to hate. Being the sole provider for her extended family, she has reasons for having a benefactor in the role portrayed by Ronaldo Valdez. The issue is about money but it's more to it. First, Bea don't have a father growing up and a maybe he found it in Ronaldo. Second, Ronaldo has helped Bea in providing for her family especially for her grandmother. Third, she now pays it as "utang-na-loob" to Ronaldo by being with him every Thursday in exchange with the help and the good things she has received from his benefactor. If Bea has her own way, I think she would not enter into that kind of set-up. She's a good person inside and out but her family mattered to her the most that's why sacrificing was her way of making other people happy.

I am happy with the story as a whole because it shows the essence of love in many ways. Love conquers all. Despite having to sacrifice, entails patience and being selfless all in the name of love, then one has to do it. I like the phrase in the movie, "hindi dahil gusto mo, makukuha mo" and "kung ano ang gusto mo, makukuha mo." These phrases has a lot of realizations and limitations. There are things that you want, you won't really get it and some things you want, you can have it as long as you're determined to get it. But that depends on the situation.

The Power of Touch

I equate touch to healing. I know many will agree with me on this. With just a simple stroke of hand running to one's skin will make you feel comforted and loved. Right? It just dawned on me because I feel I took this simple gesture for granted. Last Monday, as in my previous post, I remembered my hubby told me, he misses me doing it to him. I was caught off-guard. Of what? Because of what happened that night, after those little incidents that almost drained our energy, time and stomachs, I think he needed that gesture a long time already. When we were about to head home in our friends' house for dinner, he came straight to me and said he's tired. Then out of my emotions, I stroke his face because I feel that I have to do it despite of what happened. Then he blurted immediately, he misses me doing it. I was a bit guilty because with everything we've been through and with the things that we have now, I realize that I have taken small things for granted especially taking extra care of my husband. I was more focused on being a mother and tending the house. With my job that requires me 9 hours daily, 5 times a week, I feel that I was consumed with my daily routine. I am just lucky and thankful that my husband has been more sensitive now than before. That makes me think that he became man enough when our first child was born. He's now more caring especially that our first child is a girl. He always tells me he will do everything to provide for us and that he loves us. He never misses a day without saying he loves us. And that makes me figure out that a small amount of hug, kiss and touch does a big difference to one's being. It's not at all difficult. It's free!

Life's Little Mishaps

Yesterday's turn around of events were unexpected. There were a couple of not so good incidents that happened to me and my hubby on our way after office work. We did not go home directly since we have to fetch somebody at the airport. She'll be arriving at 6:45 in the evening. Aside that the weather is a bit gloomy (though it didn't rain), my husband told me that we will stop first at a vulcanizing shop to have his spare tire fixed. It's almost 7pm and we were still there. He told the man who fixed his tire if it can be finished the soonest since we'll still be going to the airport. Maybe because of that pressure, the tire wasn't worked properly. Because halfway on our way to the airport, we heard a noise at the back of the car, it's like we were pulling tin cans. When I told my husband what's the noise all about, he immediately pulled down his window and saw that the tire that was fixed was again almost wrecked.  We were still thankful that we were not driving in a highway and prevent any deadly accident. That was so frustrating. Even if we have to fetch his friend, he asked her instead to take the taxi and follow us where we had a change of tire again. Good thing that there were good Samaritan bystanders who extended their help changing the tire. That was a time consuming incident. I was surprised that I didn't flare up and took it coolly. I was able to calm my husband down despite what happened because I know he is already hungry.

That's what life is all about. You never know what will happen to you in the course of life. But we must be ready to face any untoward incident that comes along our way. The most important thing is the attitude we choose on those trying times and how are we able to deal with it.

But at the end of the day, we were able to get half dozen of Krispy Kreme from that friend of ours. It was a happy ending indeed!

My Beloved: It's your day!

They say that love is sweeter the second time around. Many don't know that my marriage is tested at the beginning of our lifetime together. At first it was like a bomb that hit me in pieces and denial stage has dawned in me. Many thoughts run to my head at that time because so many things were at that moment already there. It was most of me and myself alone and a friend. I want to break free but couldn't. So many reasons and realities to face and consider. But I hang on to myself and to my God. He never left me from the start until the end of my struggle. It was so real and I have to face it (come what may).

I am writing this because I want to thank my husband who strengthened my being. Despite of everything that we've been through, I will always be thankful to my Father for reasons that He only knew. It's been a roller coaster ride and I won't surrender until my dying days. To my husband, I thank you for showing me that marriage is a two way process. I know I have my downs, my weaknesses and my imperfections but still you never gave up on me. I can see you are trying and doing the best you can to provide for us. Thank you for making up and for trying to be a better husband and a father. Thank you for always being patient and considerate now with my needs and feelings. I somehow realize that being a father is a no-joke. It is a big responsibility to take as he should be the strength of the family. I salute you "Langga"/ "Papa" (to M) for standing by with us and for taking ways to support and provide for us. Thank you for showing your happiness whenever you are with us and that is enough for me to think that you love us more than anything else. I/We love you very much. Happy Father's Day!