If only Husbands find Time to Understand their Wives...

WORTH SHARING! I came across these article in my FB news feed today. As I read along till the end, I feel like I'm speaking to my husband. This is exactly what I wanted to tell him that I think I didn't gave the right message across. Read with open heart and mind. 

A must read for husbands. Take time to read this long story. It is only by this you will understand your wives and that questions you have in your mind that is still questionable. All your answers are here.

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Beautiful advice from a divorced man after 16 years of marriage.

My advice after a divorce following 16 years of marriage, by Gerald Rogers.

Obviously, I’m not a relationship expert. But there’s something about my divorce being finalized this week that gives me perspective of things I wish I would have done different… After losing a woman that I loved, and a marriage of almost 16 years, here’s the advice I wish I would have had

1. Never stop courting. Never stop dating. NEVER EVER take that woman for granted. When you asked her to marry you, you promised to be that man that would OWN HER HEART and to fiercely protect it. This is the most important and sacred treasure you will ever be entrusted with. SHE CHOSE YOU. Never forget that, and NEVER GET LAZY in your love.

2. Protect your own heart. Just as you committed to being the protector of her heart, you must guard your own with the same vigilance. Love yourself fully, love the world openly, but there is a special place in your heart where no one must enter except for your wife. Keep that space always ready to receive her and invite her in, and refuse to let anyone or anything else enter there.

3. Fall in love over and over again. You will constantly change. You’re not the same people you were when you got married, and in five years you will not be the same person you are today. Change will come, and in that you have to re-choose each other everyday. SHE DOESN’T HAVE TO STAY WITH YOU, and if you don’t take care of her heart, she may give that heart to someone else or seal you out completely, and you may never be able to get it back. Always fight to win her love just as you did when you were courting her.

4. Always see the best in her. Focus only on what you love. What you focus on will expand. If you focus on what bugs you, all you will see is reasons to be bugged. If you focus on what you love, you can’t help but be consumed by love. Focus to the point where you can no longer see anything but love, and you know without a doubt that you are the luckiest man on earth to be have this woman as your wife.

5. It’s not your job to change or fix her… your job is to love her as she is with no expectation of her ever changing. And if she changes, love what she becomes, whether it’s what you wanted or not.

6. Take full accountability for your own emotions: It’s not your wife’s job to make you happy, and she CAN’T make you sad. You are responsible for finding your own happiness, and through that your joy will spill over into your relationship and your love.

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7. Never blame your wife if you get frustrated or angry at her, it is only because it is triggering something inside of YOU. They are YOUR emotions, and your responsibility. When you feel those feelings take time to get present and to look within and understand what it is inside of YOU that is asking to be healed. You were attracted to this woman because she was the person best suited to trigger all of your childhood wounds in the most painful way so that you could heal them… when you heal yourself, you will no longer be triggered by her, and you will wonder why you ever were.

8. Allow your woman to just be. When she’s sad or upset, it’s not your job to fix it, it’s your job to HOLD HER and let her know it’s ok. Let her know that you hear her, and that she’s important and that you are that pillar on which she can always lean. The feminine spirit is about change and emotion and like a storm her emotions will roll in and out, and as you remain strong and unjudging she will trust you and open her soul to you… DON’T RUN-AWAY WHEN SHE’S UPSET. Stand present and strong and let her know you aren’t going anywhere. Listen to what she is really saying behind the words and emotion.

9. Be silly… don’t take yourself so damn seriously. Laugh. And make her laugh. Laughter makes everything else easier.

10. Fill her soul everyday… learn her love languages and the specific ways that she feels important and validated and CHERISHED. Ask her to create a list of 10 THINGS that make her feel loved and memorize those things and make it a priority everyday to make her feel like a queen.

11. Be present. Give her not only your time, but your focus, your attention and your soul. Do whatever it takes to clear your head so that when you are with her you are fully WITH HER. Treat her as you would your most valuable client. She is.

12. Be willing to take her sexually, to carry her away in the power of your masculine presence, to consume her and devour her with your strength, and to penetrate her to the deepest levels of her soul. Let her melt into her feminine softness as she knows she can trust you fully.

13. Don’t be an idiot…. And don’t be afraid of being one either. You will make mistakes and so will she. Try not to make too big of mistakes, and learn from the ones you do make. You’re not supposed to be perfect, just try to not be too stupid.

14. Give her space… The woman is so good at giving and giving, and sometimes she will need to be reminded to take time to nurture herself. Sometimes she will need to fly from your branches to go and find what feeds her soul, and if you give her that space she will come back with new songs to sing…. (okay, getting a little too poetic here, but you get the point. Tell her to take time for herself, ESPECIALLY after you have kids. She needs that space to renew and get re-centered, and to find herself after she gets lost in serving you, the kids and the world.)

15. Be vulnerable… you don’t have to have it all together. Be willing to share your fears and feelings, and quick to acknowledge your mistakes.

16. Be fully transparent. If you want to have trust you must be willing to share EVERYTHING… Especially those things you don’t want to share. It takes courage to fully love, to fully open your heart and let her in when you don’t know i she will like what she finds… Part of that courage is allowing her to love you completely, your darkness as well as your light. DROP THE MASK… If you feel like you need to wear a mask around her, and show up perfect all the time, you will never experience the full dimension of what love can be.

17. Never stop growing together… The stagnant pond breeds malaria, the flowing stream is always fresh and cool. Atrophy is the natural process when you stop working a muscle, just as it is if you stop working on your relationship. Find common goals, dreams and visions to work towards.

18. Don’t worry about money. Money is a game, find ways to work together as a team to win it. It never helps when teammates fight. Figure out ways to leverage both persons strength to win.

19. Forgive immediately and focus on the future rather than carrying weight from the past. Don’t let your history hold you hostage. Holding onto past mistakes that either you or she makes, is like a heavy anchor to your marriage and will hold you back. FORGIVENESS IS FREEDOM. Cut the anchor loose and always choose love.

20. Always choose love. ALWAYS CHOOSE LOVE. In the end, this is the only advice you need. If this is the guiding principle through which all your choices is governed, there is nothing that will threaten the happiness of your marriage. Love will always endure.

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In the end marriage isn’t about happily ever after. It’s about work. And a commitment to grow together and a willingness to continually invest in creating something that can endure eternity. Through that work, the happiness will come. Marriage is life, and it will bring ups and downs. Embracing all of the cycles and learning to learn from and love each experience will bring the strength and perspective to keep building, one brick at a time.

These are lessons I learned the hard way. These are lessons I learned too late. But these are lessons I am learning and committed in carrying forward. Truth is, I loved being married, and in time, I will get married again, and when I do, I will build it with a foundation that will endure any storm and any amount of time.

If you are reading this and find wisdom in my pain, share it those those young husbands whose hearts are still full of hope, and with those couples you may know who may have forgotten how to love. One of those men may be like I was, and in these hard earned lessons perhaps something will awaken in him and he will learn to be the man his lady has been waiting for.

MEN- THIS IS YOUR CHARGE: Commit to being an EPIC LOVER. There is no greater challenge, and no greater prize. Your woman deserves that from. Be the type of husband your wife can’t help but brag about.

Source credit here

On Weekend Classes and the Ex-Mayor

Now that it's the season of graduations, yet here I'm talking about classes. In Facebook, IG and all sort of social media outlets, I see children finishing another milestone in their school life that makes any parent proud. One by one they're climbing the stairs to success. Since my kids are not yet in school (next school year 2015 perhaps), I'm acting also as guardian to my two house 'mates' (that's what I call my two house help at home). The other one is attending Sunday high school and the nanny is yet to enter first year college this June or September (?). For this kind of set-up, this is advantageous for us employers because we can send them to school without hampering their duties of manning our house and look after our kids during weekdays when we're out for work. Hubby and I also have this principle that we give them proper education because not forever they'll be working as house helpers. We want them to excel in achieving their dreams in life. Weekend classes are excellent idea for those working students and, like us who hired house 'mates' in the first place.

That vision started to crumble a little bit in the recent days and until last night. Last year as I was scouting for a weekend college class for my previous nanny, I came across a school which is a satellite school near our place. When I called for inquiry, they told me they'll stop accepting incoming freshmen for this kind of program but will just finish through with the existing students until they will all graduate. I was puzzled if they'll be closing their school or what. I realized that I think this was the reason. According to our ex-Mayor Inday Sara Duterte-Carpio, who happens to be in the same place as we were last night (shucks! I didn't have the guts to have a photo taken with her, star struck!!), CHED already issued a memorandum order for the suspension of weekend college classes. (Anybody who knows of the Memorandum Order No.? Please share). Oh my! This is indeed true. I asked her what better alternative the government has to offer similar to this kind of program. She said that night classes are being offered by schools but during weekdays. I don't think it is applicable for us because classes starts at 5 pm to 9 in the evening. In our case, my office work ends at 6 in the evening. And there's no way I will allow to leave my two kids with only one to look after my 1 year old and 3 year old. And besides, on my nanny's part, I know it will be too tiring for her because during the day she'll look after my 1 year old and then off prepare to go to school and be home around 10 in the evening.

Inday Sara, as what she is well-known here in our city, said about 'ladderized' schooling. Take TESDA accredited course of your choice and on your 3rd year in college in a regular school, subjects will be accredited if one will push through a 4-year degree course. But even if it's just a 2-year associate course with a TESDA accredited school, one's skills and competence are already developed or trained. Big percentage of TESDA school graduates can land a decent job and can even get a high paying job when you decide to go abroad. I myself sees these developments with a 2-year associate degree graduate. They land a fulfilling jobs outside the country. They even make big bucks as compared to an average working employee here in our country.

I hope the government should focus on education not only for the able but also for those working students and scholarships be made accessible for those who are willing to finish school in their own determination. With this, I hope too that the quality of education must not be of losing end just because of a free or minimal paying tuition fee compared to regular school attendees. I hope programs like these must be designed for both employers and employees (like in our case, house helpers) advantage. #weekendclass #schooliscool #CHED #househelp

It's Friday and I'm Ready to Rumble

I hope it's not gonna rain hard today as predicted here because of a Big and explosive event that's gonna happen tonight. I'm ready to rumble and have fun for fitness and health sake. Well, the fitness program that was spearheaded by selected employees here in our office turns 1. It doesn't cater to employees alone but to all who want to strut their stuff in the Zumba way! It's open to public. That's how I realized how Zumba got the attention of women and men alike as better alternative than just heading to the gym and lift all sorts of metal. It doesn't just give you the fulfillment by exercising your body parts but it gives you the happy hormones because you're having fun. Yes, today marks the 1st anniversary celebration of our Aero-Zumba fitness. We're having a 2-hour Zumbafest!

Photo source

I have prepared for this by joining 2 days straight Zumba sessions for me not to have body aches after. It will be my first Zumba marathon experience shall I say. I'm quite excited and wondering what will happen on the Zumba party itself. 

My shoe trainers are ready, I'm going to kick off my butt and I'll sweat it out. It's a thank God it's Friday indeed! #zumbalove #paininvain #healthandfitness #zumbaparty2014

Korean-Age

I wouldn't know that there's such a Korean-age and International age until our summer kick-off last Saturday took place.

 

We went to Costa Marina Beach Resort in Island Garden City of Samal (IGACOS). It's about 10 minutes boat ride from Sasa, Davao City. It's the same boat dock when you go to Paradise Island Beach Resort. Boat fare is 15.00 pesos each including a 1 year old child. We chose Costa because we want a more private and peaceful environment and a cheaper entrance fee unlike Paradise who charges a hefty 250.00 pesos. Anyway, on our way there it was quite gloomy and showered a little. But it didn't hamper a smooth sailing ride and our wanting to reach the place. We arrived there past 7 in the morning. The kids enjoyed more playing with the sand rather than dipping in the water. The water is actually cold. It's not inviting even if the water is clear and clean. A little later, beach bummers slowly came in. And one particular group caught our attention were a group of Koreans (exchange/English students) invading the resort. They were actually noisy like us Filipinos. But they are extra noisy conveying they are having much fun. Their fun didn't stop until we bade goodbye around 2 in the afternoon. 

The Koreans make use of their time by dipping in the water once they arrived. After which the waters disappeared and left a view of a sprawling wet sand. Then the Koreans joined the kids in building sand castle. They were afraid of them and made fun of the beach ball and the beach paraphernalia's we brought. My parents who were with us too started out conversation with them and what came out was quite amusing. We joined them and one particular Korean guy is so friendly and kept giggling on our kids. Kept saying, "Oh, you're cute!". I find them really amusing. He kept the conversation very light and informative for us Filipinos. He is a law student and after 2 months he'll fly to Australia to take his internship. He's a cute guy also (hihihi)... But I didn't have the time to take a picture of him because my phone went dead. After a series of exchanging words, we asked him how old he is. Then he said that in Korea, he is 24 years old and his International age is 26 years old. We were startled for a few seconds internalizing what he said and told him how is that. Then he explained that in Korea, during the time of conception your age counts already. By the time, you are born, it counts as 1 year old. And then in New Year which is January 1st, another year adds to your age. Your age there is added every year and not on your birthdate. So by January 1, all Koreans celebrate their 'happy birthday' here on earth and not during the birthdate they were born. And when your birthdate comes, you still have the same age. Isn't it surprising? I don't know about you, but it's the first time I heard of it. There's even a calculate your Korean age method. See here. #korean-age #international-age #summergetaway #samalbeach

Summer Kick-off

What better way to enjoy summer is hitting the sand, the beach, and the sun. Reunions and just gathering with loved ones make it extra special because almost everybody is complete because school is off. Tomorrow, we'll hit the beach. We've been planning that for a very long time already. And because of lined up commitments one after the other, it wasn't possible. To make it more exciting, Monday (March 17) is declared a special non-working holiday for us here in Davao City. It's gonna be the 77th Araw ng Dabaw celebration. There are lots of activities lined up here and here for locals and tourists to enjoy. Of course, fruits are bountiful like the famous durian, marang, mangosteen and more. So, long holiday for us Davaoenos. Enjoy and Madayaw Davao! #mallwidesale #davaocity #arawngdavao2014


What's your summer 2014 escapade be? Thank God it's Friday. Enjoy your weekend everyone!

"Tell me your friends and I'll tell you who you are"

Birds of the same feather, flock together. For me it is not all the time and necessarily true. Even though you have your set of friends, it doesn't spell out the entirety of the person you are. Maybe a fraction of you. Most of the time, people tend to associate your 'YOU-ness' by the circle of friends you belong. It should not be that way. Each of us is unique and different from others even though you hang around all the time. Your friends are among those people who complements your personality, your sameness as well as your differences. It doesn't necessarily mean a reflection of you but the thought that you can be yourself being with them is good enough that you can call them your friend.

There are different types of friends. An acquaintance, a co-worker, a classmate, friends for benefits (?) to name a few. But real friends are those who can standby you like a marriage vow. Just like a husband or a wife. It's beyond being an acquaintance, a classmate or an officemate. They will not talk against your back. But instead they will tell you straight in your face the flaws, the bad, the negative. Sadly, some would connote that your friend's fault and wrong is a reflection of you being the same. Often times you are misjudged because of your friends flaw, wrong behavior or decision. And it is really unfair. Real friends are honest and sincere people. They could be your mirror and your conscience. Friends fight with each other too and it is common and natural because of differences. But it doesn't stop there from being friends. More than the pain, the foundation of the friendship matters the most than the misunderstanding you have if you consider each other real friends.   #justsaying #friends

Bed of Flowers in Bloom

God make a perfect world for us to see these creations He made. He does everything miraculous and extraordinary. Isn't it a breath of fresh air to see a bunch/ bed of flowers right before your weary eyes?

   

These are some of the flowers well-maintained at Eden Mountain Resort in Brgy. Eden, Toril, Davao City. It's where you can hie away when you just want to relax and feel a cool breeze of air away from the polluted city. It's always a comfort place when you want to laze around and feel the nature has to give. #edenmountain #garden #flowers #davaocity 

Hardcore kids

Wait till you read my blog. I don't mean to be harsh because I have toddlers too. The phrase or the word 'hardcore' inspired me to be my write up for today's blog. I saw it in one of my college classmate's Facebook page about her 2 sons conversing in one of their computer games session. The younger one asked her kuya if the two of them are hardcore. And the older brother said, "Yes." Thus prompting the mom to share it in her page.

What is hardcore? According to Wiki, in general term, it is something solid, unbreakable and unshiftable. It could also mean intense.

Men! Are this really the kids in this generation? I bet. How much more in the time of my kids maybe 3 or 5 years from now. Kids these days are out of this world I would say. They must have been pulled out somewhere where they have been programmed. Like for instance, where in this world they get the word "unicorn" at a young age and innocent mind instead of the easier and more familiar term as horse? Though it's correct naman. But you wouldn't expect children as early as this stage to use the word unicorn rather than the word horse diba? That's what #superstarkendra of #teamkramer called Vice Ganda in his show #GandangGabiVice or #GGV last Sunday as they are one of the guests. Both Cheska and Doug, her parents said they didn't teach Kendra that. It was so cute and I was amused of this little girl's candidness and wittiness. She is never timid in answering the questions thrown out by Vice Ganda to her. I am very impressed with kids in this generation in a certain level. Impressed in the sense that they pick up very quickly and is very advance in learning. They get to register fast in their mind the things they encounter and would ask questions right away if not understood. This is good because their curiosity teaches them way ahead and learning on the other hand. But, as a parent now, I find it a bit scary because I wouldn't know if I'm teaching them the right way according to their grasp of understanding things. This generation is too fast forward unlike before. But there's no one to be blamed. This generation is way too different from the baby boomers, Generation X & Y. It could be said that what you learned in your generation is completely obsolete nowadays in a certain way.

This generation is run by finger-working activities. Technology is just one finger touch away and you have all the information you needed and all the pleasure you wanted. Tools and gadgets like cellphones, IPads and the like make it quite easy for younger generation to adapt to these so called things. Of course, these kids are exposed to such materials because parents have it and almost everyone has it. And boy, they are much better than us huh? I've attended Francis Kong's seminar last weekend, and I am thrilled with the information I picked up. The topic though was Culture of Personal Excellence. It's about excellence and striving to be the best in every aspect in your life. It's more on how you manage your self in your workplace and touch down to your own personal core. Everything from self-control and discipline, it does not only apply in your work environment but being a parent as well. With the facts shared, I come to realize how different lifestyle has become before and now. To be able to understand your kids, as a parent you must learn how to understand their present environment too. It doesn't mean that because you were born ahead of them, we are right, we know everything. We know better that is why we should not stop learning too in order to help us guide our children in their present environment.

As parents, our responsibility is broad. Molding a child is molding their personality for their future. Our task is great and so let us make this generation a hardcore in their own right and to save them from future destruction the future society may bring.