Yesterday is a devastating one for me. As a mother, I cannot imagine myself losing my child because of a life-threatening illness. During the journey, it's like each day gets harder and harder and you don't know what tomorrow has in store. You don't know until when the agony and pain will end. I am talking about the painful story of the almost 4 year old Caitlin 'Caitie' Lucas, daughter of Feliz and Jay Jay, who suffered and acquired a rare kind of leukemia which I got to follow in their facebook page, Courageous Caitie. Before, I was glued on the same situation of the 4-year-old daughter of actress Jackie Forster, Caleigh known as Kikay Caleigh at Instagram, who was struck with leukemia (but not the rare kind) also. But now, I rejoice because she was healed by God. It's so painful and I can't bear to feel what the parents of Caitie's undergoing right now. Sure, words of God and people who sympathize overflows with so much encouragement for the bereaved family. But nothing can ease as of the moment the reality of losing a loved one. I cannot bear to post photos from their Facebook page because everytime I see it, my eyes and heart tears. It aches so much. Yesterday at lunch break, I really cried coupled with sobs in between and even now writing this piece. I remember the photos of Feliz and Jay Jay holding Caitie's lifeless body in their arms. And in one photo, Jay Jay cradled Caitie and kissed her on the forehead. It's such a sorrowful ending. My only consolation is that Caitie is now pain-free and is safely in God's hands. My reflections about this journey of Caitie and her family is I PRAY that... I wish that accepting death is not too hard to deal with. Honestly now, I fear the life after death. Because I don't know where my soul take me. I know I will be in an unknown place and travel alone. I fear death because I still don't want to leave my kids behind at a very young age. I want to be present in their journey towards adulthood. Secondly, how I wish that my faith endures all things. Yes, I am weak. I need God in my life so much and I know that I've been missing a lot because I am preoccupied with a lot of worldly things.
Caitie touched my heart in so many ways. Like I said, I have a child almost as the same age of Caitie. That's why I am so moved and touched with the Lucas' family journey. Seeing my kids last night as I arrive home from work, I feel blessed and grateful to God that my kids are healthy and active. And I pray that it will always be that way. As a working mother, every minute that I got a chance to be with them, I take advantage of it by spending quality time with them. I know I am not a perfect mother and sometimes I want to take a break but with the realization Caitie has shared to us, I will never stop being there for my children. So that in the end there will be no regrets... only gratefulness of the moments that God gave to each one of us.
Caitie, my dear, you'll always be remembered. Thank you for showing to me how to be courageous, faithful and cheerful despite life's battles. Please help your Mama and Papa cope up with your loss. Always make rainbows in the sky so that they will feel your presence even in that instance. I love you!
For full details of Caitie's journey until the end, see links below: