Forewarn: There's no photos ahead. It's all words. So I hope you bear with me as I was just unloading baggage to release me and make me feel better. Nevertheless, it's not an intention on the other hand to pass it on to you as I don't wish you feel the same way as I do.
I'm all out of words, nothing to say. But my mind is full of stories to tell and concerns to address. I'm full packed now. Maybe I'm just all too stressed out thinking on things that I have in mind. I'm making paramdam here because it's almost 1 month after my last blog post. But I am grateful and thankful to those who stumble across my blog and patiently and took their time reading it. I know there are people reading here because of my ranking that is actively moving in numbers. Yehey to that!
Okay what keeps me busy from the past few weeks? Let me enumerate it because I too lost track. More than two weeks ago, both my kids were down with flu and hit with fever. My 3 year old's temperature went up to 40. I got scared. I brought them to their Pedia and antibiotics were prescribed. Oh gosh! The thought of that makes me weak. For one, my kids and I have a hate-relationship especially the youngest whenever taking in antibiotics. She dislike its pungent taste (yes, I tasted it) and in full force, with all our joined forces, we really and literally hold her like someone has to hold her feet, her hands and her head just to give her that 5ml dose otherwise she wouldn't take it or worst spit it. I couldn't afford to see my kids fighting with all their might, screaming and struggling for a dose of that medicine. It's not only stressful to us but more so to the kids. Second, antibiotics are expensive prescribed drugs and it's the last thing I would want them to ingest in their system. Besides that, I noticed from my youngest daughter rashes from her legs spreading to the body and arms which became more profound and itchy, to which the doctor told us is just heat rashes. I never mind for the first three days of medication thinking that the antibiotics he gave to my daughter is not only for the phlegm but for the skin infection/rashes (I read in the leaflet of the medicine) she had. I thought it may be the effect that the rashes gradually is coming out and because of the heat. On the 8th day, I sensed that it is not already the normal rashes though she don't have fever anymore. It's more bigger, itchy and red. So I went back to the doctor and blurted out measles! I got worried right away because she already had contact with my eldest daughter and what if she might get the virus? Luckily and thank God I can see no signs of rashes from Mariella since then. So I packed the things of my dear one and send her for the meantime in my parental's house in order not to pass on infection to the sister. We're missing her already. It's been a week of not seeing her and only talk to her daily through the phone as I speak.
Another thing that keeps my motherhood so alive in between those happenings is I crammed for my eldest daughter's projects in school. Create an Alphabet book and using recyclable materials, make an illustration of a human body parts. After all the sleepless nights and the worries, I still manage to think of it overnight to be submitted on the next day which is 2 days late already. During the medication of Mariella, I didn't send her to school so not to infect her classmates thus the delay of her project's submission. The pictures of the Alphabet Book, I slowly collected it days before. But finishing everything was done overnight. Then there were school requirements to be bought for their 2nd Annual Family Day at school which was held last Sunday which was a whole day event and this week is there examination. I thank God still because it was a long weekend where I got to take time and rest a bit.
Have you guys watched the movie 'The Love Affair'? I am in awe of Dawn Zulueta's timeless and ageless beauty. Richard Gomez charisma is still undoubtedly remained despite her age. Kinikilig ako sa kanilang dalawa ni Dawn in the roles they played. And Bea Alonzo, very beautiful, fresh and she's very flawless. I was affected by the story because I can relate to it and it brought back bitter memories. I watched the movie together with my husband and I don't know what effect it had on him. But I'm certain that he can relate to it as well. No discussions done after because my eyes are all red when I came out of the cinema. My eldest daughter asked after if I cried. Of course, I couldn't lie because it's all over my face. We just laughed it off!
I'm not yet through. Work-wise it's manageable and it helps that my boss is very considerate. But what pisses me off are people who are taking advantage of the opportunity that their favors are granted almost all the time and that they couldn't help asking for more. They are not yet satisfied of the help they are getting and I feel that they are making that generous person like a milking cow for their own needs. I know for a fact what they are asking help for because I'm also a mother. But I hope they should find a long term means to support the needs of the family and not to always ask money for whatever it is to other people on a regular basis. I don't know if they know what shame and gratitude is. They are not ill or disabled people who cannot find ways to sustain the needs of their family. And to think even their family in their own blood had already said to ignore them. 'Nuff said.
I feel that my PMS is somewhere down the road. Even a little detail affect my emotions. Recently, I posted something in a social media for my loved ones to see but it was nowhere to be found. It was deleted. Even if I don't want to feel anything for it, I felt hurt. I prayed that my hurt will just let go because it's not really a big deal after all. But I don't know. I felt a pinch in my heart. I got affected.
To end, I want to do many things to erase all these challenges that came my way lately. I'm thinking of pampering myself with facial and body massage, going to a retreat to embrace myself and meeting people who can be an inspiration for my everyday living, making memories with my family like going somewhere and doing the unusual stuff.
Thank you God for making my life not dull. I am not asking you to get rid of those unpleasant instances but I am asking for enough strength, wisdom, patience and heart to do all the things you let me encounter in this lifetime of mine. Everything that I have now -good, even the not so one- I thank you for I know you are molding me to be a person for others.